Funniest Christmas Quotes

A collection of the Funniest Christmas quotes. Enjoy!

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother
took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
~Shirley Temple~

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic."
~author Unknown~

"Christmas is the season when you buy this
year's gifts with next year's money."
~Author Unknown~

"Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying 'Buy Buy'"
~Robert Paul~

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season,
a deeply religious time that each of us observes,
in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
~Author Unknown~ Funniest Christmas quotes

"Christmas is the season when people run
out of money before they run out of friends."
~Larry Wilde~

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no
white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark."
~Dick Gregory~

"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want
and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell
the government what they want and their kids pay for it."
~Richard Lamm~

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live."
~Dennis Miller~ humorous Christmas sayings~

"Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?"
~Anonymous~ Fun Christmas quotes

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
with a note on it saying, toys not included."
~Bernard Manning~

"I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street.
I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow.
He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."
~David Letterman~

"Oh, for the good old days when people would
stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money."
~Author Unknown~

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
~Victor Borge~

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity
scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious
reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
~Jay Leno~

"The one thing women don't want to find in their
stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
~Joan Rivers~ Funniest Christmas quotes

"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten
and his present remembered. What I don't like about office
Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
~Phyllis Diller's humorous Christmas quote~

"You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger."
~Robert Paul~ Humorous Christmas sayings

"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas
did not exist it would be necessary to invent it."
~Katharine Whitehorn~

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs
up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."
~Kin Hubbard~ funny Christmas quotes

"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all
the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."
~Author unknown~

"Christmas is a race to see which gives
out first - your money or your feet."
~Author unknown~

"Mail your packages early so the post office
can lose them in time for Christmas."
~Johnny Carson~ Fun Christmas quotes

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