Self Help On Relationships

Seeking some Self Help On Relationships? Relationships are always challenging... but they also make your life worthwhile! Right? 

We weren't made to go it alone... and that doesn't necessarily mean marriage. BUT humans need others to live life out, to help each other survive this wild world.

Gene writes about releasing emotional baggage from past relationships here. If you carry past relationships,  how can you find new relationships that work?  We have oodles of Letting Go quotes that might help you move past these old heartaches too.

If you have anger issues, you might want to deal with that first. Most relationships will fail when anger problems exist.

Do You Keep Score of Your Relationships?

Stop it! Seriously... how do you expect a relationship to survive (whether spouse, family, or friend) when you are keeping tabs on them all day long?

Tallying up your disappointments or giving (with expectations of what you’ll receive in return) spell trouble for both romance and friendships.

While it’s reasonable to expect some reciprocity, relationships are seldom a matter of 50-50.  At the same time, when you and your loved ones give time and effort to the relationship, you’ll create true partnerships. 

Reasons to Stop Keeping Score on Relationships

• Strengthen your relationships. Healthy connections depend on being committed to each other’s well-being. Give from the heart - because you want to see the joy in your partner’s eyes.

• Develop self-reliance. Ironically, stronger ties can encourage independence. You’ll enjoy your partner’s support while you take responsibility for your own future. 

• Experience more happiness. Resentments are a heavy burden that clouds your vision. When you put away your spreadsheet, your blessings will be more apparent.

• Change old patterns. Scorekeeping is often a legacy from our childhoods. Did your mother keep score? Did you distrust friends as a kid? 

Strategies to Stop Keeping Score

• Find gratitude. Appreciation is the antidote to scorekeeping. The more you focus on the good qualities of your friends and family, the less you’ll notice their shortcomings. You may even start to discover the wonderful things they do for you that you’ve been overlooking until now.

• Give generously. Your satisfaction usually depends on how much you contribute to a relationship. Practice giving unconditionally...  you'll get back much more than you give. 
  

• Be forgiving. Naturally, you and your partner will sometimes make mistakes. Forgive, even when the other person doesn't deserve it, or even know it. When you hold on to that he-did-me-wrong, you only make yourself angry, or ill.

• Respect differences. Just think - we all play by different rules. We have different lifestyles, childhoods, experiences, knowledge. Your best friend may value punctuality while you think the starting time for lunch dates is flexible. It's ok.
  

• Communicate directly. Asking for what you want is more effective than hoping that others will be able to read your mind. Ask others when you need help. Be willing to extend the same favor when they’re under pressure.

• Be Committed. A committed relationship involves thinking about how you can advance together rather than concentrating on personal gains. You can accomplish more as a team. 
  

• Move on. On the other hand, if you feel that a relationship is too one-sided, it may be time to call it quits. You deserve to be loved and respected. Look for new connections that are more compatible with your values and goals.
  

Forget about making a balance sheet for your relationships, and focus on making each other happy instead. Your romances and friendships will be more fulfilling when mutual generosity flows naturally.